I'm a liar. A big, fat liar whose pants, as a matter of fact, just happen to be on fire. A few weeks ago I promised you I would write, but I never got around to it. For that, I apologize. However, this is nothing new for me. I don't often write; ask my mother. She had to threaten to take me out of the will unless I wrote to her while I was deployed. And then, I'd generally write something along the lines of "Dear mom, hope this finds you well. It's hot here, and I'm tired of sand. Please put me back in the will. Your son." Or something similar to that, anyway (though I'm not really sure what that threat was supposed to mean; who was she gonna give her stuff to, my brother?). So you see, this is a recurring issue for me. But I don't want you to think that I don't WANT to write, because I do. It's just that I've gotten myself into a situation that demands pretty much every waking moment of my life, and those moments get longer and longer as I am slowly deprived of sleep, like a prisoner of war.
I'm halfway through the summer quarter at Ohio State, and it is kicking. My. Ass.
There. I said it. School is hard. And it's not like I'm new at this. After 12 years on active duty, I've done my share of school. Every time I would turn around, there was another course I had to complete, or some training event I had to attend. I also managed to get three (count 'em, three) associate's degrees in the past few years. But this is unlike anything I've ever done. This is just sick.
Before you all get to feelin' sorry for me, let me say this. Going to Ohio State is not only a dream come true, but it's the most enjoyable thing I've done in a very long time. Every day as I walk across the campus, through the Oval, along its meticulously manicured carpet of deep green grass and brick walks, I look at buildings like Orton Hall, University Hall, Ohio Stadium, and Thompson Library and am awestruck at the majesty of this place. How many hundreds of thousands of fellow Buckeyes have walked these same paths, had these same experiences, and been forever changed by this grand old girl! It is truly a humbling experience, and I consider myself lucky to be able to take part in it for myself. The fact that I get to be here for free (thank you, GI Bill) makes it that much sweeter.
But on the other side of the coin is the work it takes to be here. Having been in school in some form or another for the past 28 years, I will say that this is, beyond all doubt, the most difficult thing I've ever done. Get comfy, I feel a story coming on...
Ohio State is a world-class university. It is consistently ranked among the top 25 best universities in the country, and it is the jewel in the crown of Ohio's higher learning institutions. One reason is its football program, which can stomp a mudhole in the ass of pretty much any program out there (when they aren't blowing it down their leg, but that's a story for another time). Another reason is the high academic standards. The classes are tough! I'm currently taking four classes; I have a computer science course, a humanities course, a calculus course, and a business admin course. Aside from the business admin course, which is online and a requirement for all business students, any one of the other three classes would totally monopolize my time. Combine all three, and it just crushes any hopes of down time I might be foolish enough to entertain.
The computer science class is basically a "how to use Excel and Access" class. Now, I've been using Excel for years in the Air Force. Problem is, we didn't use it to anywhere NEAR its potential; we used it basically as pre-lined paper. Never have I used any of the functions or calculation abilities of Excel. As the course director put it, my use of Excel in the past was akin to "driving around in an airplane, not realizing that it could fly." And for those who have never written Excel formulas, it's not unlike learning a foreign language. The homework for this class is pretty brutal, too. The class meets Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and every night I have about three spreadsheets to build, plus chapters in the book to read, plus a multi-page prelab assignment to complete by Thursday. It's not uncommon for me to spend two hours a night on this, though before I figured out the trick to this course I was spending four to five hours a night.
The humanities course is actually very enjoyable. The instructor is a younger guy, working on his master's degree. He's very into the subject matter and he knows what he's talking about. In a nutshell, this is a literature class. But because he's a religious studies major, our books all have a religious theme. We read "Black Elk Speaks" by John Niehardt, a book about a Sioux medicine man, "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer, about the Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saints (specifically about two FLDS brothers who killed a woman and her 15-month old daughter because God instructed them to), and we're currently reading "Salvation on Sand Mountain" by Dennis Covington, about his experiences with Pentecostal snake-handlers in the Appalachians. Real "on the fringes of normalcy" stuff, and honestly, it's fascinating. What makes this class difficult is that it's a First Term class; that means that instead of being 10 weeks long like a full quarter class, it's only 5 weeks long. Our reading assignments for Black Elk, for example, were "Mon - read chapters 1-10. Tues - read chapters 11-18. Wed - read chapters 19-26." So in three days, we read the entire book. And it's not a small book, or one that's particularly easy to read. I was reading for two hours a night on average, and that doesn't include the time spent to answer questions on the reading we were given in handouts. This process was repeated for the other two books as well.
And then there's calculus. I took business calculus in Florida, so I'm not completely new to this subject. I got an A, too...so I know I can do this stuff. But that was over a year ago, and calculus isn't something you use everyday. Couple this with the fact that I'm taking a night class (which cuts into my study time for the other two classes), and calculus has become my most difficult subject. After failing to knock the cobwebs off my brain in the first few weeks of class, I've learned the hard way that the only way I'm gonna understand this material is to do lots of homework, beyond what is assigned by the teacher. Fortunately, the college has free math tutoring at the Math Learning Center. I plan to frequent this establishment as I get my analytical brain back online. Unfortunately, lots of calculus homework takes lots of time, something that - if you've been paying attention - I don't really have much of. But my humanities class ends next week, so I'll be able to use that time to study calculus.
I hope I don't sound like I'm whining, because nothing could be further from the truth. I'm here voluntarily, and I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. I just need to blow the dust off of my time management skills, which atrophied badly during the six months I had between my last day at work and my first day at school. And, it will never be harder than it is right now. This is my first quarter, I'm taking some difficult classes, and I miss Jessica. Every term from here on out will be one term closer to graduation, every day the campus gets a little bit smaller, and every day is one day closer to seeing my baby again. Before I know it, I'll have this school business down pat, and I'll be wondering why I was so stressed out. And it's almost football season; I'll be able to mark my time with each passing Saturday. I bought my season tickets, so I'll be in the student section for all the in-conference home games. Watch for me on TV...I'll be the guy in the red shirt.
So that's school so far. It's the most enjoyable ass-kicking I've ever received, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If it was easy, everyone would do it. So if you don't hear from me for a while, it's not because I don't like you anymore (though, I wouldn't rule that option out TOO quickly). It's more likely that I'm trapped under a pile of loose-leaf paper, furiously calculating antiderivatives and differential equations.
"All men are created equal. A very select few get to be called Buckeyes."
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