Phase One Complete

Lots to catch up on since my last foray into creative writing for mostly anonymous readers (thanks to my four followers; I promise I won't go all Jonestown on ya).

I am now living in Ohio. Let me say that again, since it still hasn't really hit me yet. I am now living in Ohio. For those who may not know, this is my home turf. I was born and raised in Cleveland, about two hours north of here on Lake Erie. For those of you with smart-ass jokes about Cleveland, the Browns, the Indians, LeBron James, Earnest Byner, Bernie Kosar, Life's a Plum, The Mistake By The Lake, Jacobs Field, Gund Arena (no, it's not an STD), hypodermic needles washing ashore at Edgewater Park, the Cuyahoga River catching on fire, Drew Carey, snow tires, potholes, Polish people, Parma, pierogies, or the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, go ahead and laugh about them to yourselves. Get it out of your system...I'll wait.

...sigh...

Feel better? May I continue? Thank you.

So as I was saying, I'm a lifelong Buckeye. When I joined the Air Force it was my goal to get as FAR away from Ohio as possible. I was successful, too. This is the first time since 1998 that I've had an Ohio address, and to be honest I have mixed emotions. It's nice up here. I'm comfortable up here. There are no hurricanes or fire ants up here. Things are cheaper up here. But Jess is still stuck in the mire that is Florida. The Ham is still down there too, as are my friends for the last nine years. Now I'm in an unfamiliar town with unfamiliar people, and I'm all by myself. Sure, Cleveland is just two hours away, but when has "visit your family" been the answer to any of your problems? It may be the answer to THEIR problems, but this isn't about them. So there. Nyah!

Let me also say this. Moving sucks out loud. The gub'mint moved my household goods up here on their dime, which helped. Monday I had people packing all my stuff into boxes; Tuesday I had people loading those boxes onto an 18-wheeler. This Monday, those same people will pull up to my new house in said 18-wheeler and put all those boxes inside for me. However, even with all that help, I still managed to spend my final 30 hours in Florida (also my final 30 hours with Jess and Ham) packing and moving. The movers can't take certain items like aerosols or flammable liquids. But I still need shaving cream and gas for the lawnmower, so I had to schlep that crap up here with me. I had my '56 Chevy on a trailer, and it was jammed with stuff; dog stuff, house stuff, car stuff. My truck was jammed with stuff as well. Stuff that, naturally, I can't live without. More accurately, it was stuff that the movers didn't take but that I couldn't just leave behind. I should have sorted it out and thrown away what I didn't need, but I had no time for that. In a box it goes, to be not sorted/not thrown away up here.

Overall, the trip up was uneventful. I had blue skies and warm sunshine the entire drive, and my truck is a towing monster. Aside from getting HORRENDOUS gas mileage I couldn't really tell that I had a 3200 lb car back there. Sam was crashed out in the back seat on his bed. He never threw a fit; every now and again he'd sit up and look around, almost as if to see where we were. He enjoyed a delicious roast beef sandwich at Arby's, since dog food doesn't go over too well in the truck (side note - Arby's Beef and Cheddar sandwiches aren't good road food. The cheese sauce on my jeans is proof). We stopped two or three times to stretch our legs, make some phone calls (me), drink some water (both of us), and pee on sign posts (mostly him, but you know...I'm kind of a boy). We pulled into the driveway of our new place at about 2 AM this morning. Once I got the pillows, linens, air mattress, and cooler out of the truck, sleep was instantaneous.

Today we got up, made some coffee, went out to pee (just him this time), and finished unloading the truck. I turned in the trailer on my way to the rental office to sign the lease. When I went to disconnect the trailer from the hitch on the truck, I noticed that the ball was loose. In fact, it was so loose that the nut that holds it to the hitch was halfway off! Did you ever get that cold sweat feeling, like you just escaped disaster? It happened to me right then. I was hauling - and I mean HAULING, 75-80 mph for 14 hours - towing my car, my prized possession, my labor of love for the past twentysomething years, and the only thing that was keeping it from flying off the road to its gristly demise was a few threads on a trailer ball. Wow, thanks for helping me on that one, dad! I'm certain that had I been en route to Cleveland I'd have totaled my car.

I signed the papers for the lease on my new crib. Once I get some pics of the place I'll put them up here so you can see what poverty looks like. I hope the rental company takes rolled coins. Not that I have any of those either, but I like having options.

And now here I am, sitting in a McDonalds stealing their WiFi at midnight because the jerks who lived in the house before me weren't kind enough to leave the cable turned on. Ingrates! Hopefully I can get it taken care of Monday or Tuesday; otherwise I'll be eating a lot of fries so I can stay connected with the world.

Now that I think about it, I have no earthly business sitting in a McDonalds at midnight. It's time to go home. You're pretty much all caught up now, except for the park and the river. "Wait, what park and river, Steve?" you may be asking yourself. Stay tuned for that. The night manager is looking at me funny because I've been nursing this diet lemonade for an hour now. That's my cue to split.